Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. I've lit a red candle on the altar in my red room, and I'm remembering.

These are the people we are memorializing this year, both the known and the unkown, the nameless and the named.

To the cisgender and cissexual folks reading this, I want to tell you that our countless numbers have been brutalized and murdered in your name. The world that can't stand us is your cage as much as it is our killer. These deaths belong to us, these bodies are our sacred dead, and we are the ones charged to carry them, but your heart is pierced too. You bleed, even if you perceive the injury as the natural order of things. You are walking wounded in the funerary procession, even if you think you're just out for a stroll.

Gender rights are human rights.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

BND WAS AT MY HOUSE WHEN I GOT HOME and Rafael waited a whole half-hour before he told me!!! I was tempted to not hide under his porch anymore, but then he made me dinner, so that's all right.

Tomorrow I'm going to buy a frame for my poster. Right now I'm ripping the CD, and then I'm going to watch the video commentaries, and I'm sure there will be entirely obnoxious squee at some point (Patrick. Patrick Vaughn Stump. I find your self-conscious pretention utterly precious. How did you steal my BS-o-meter and when can I have it back? I need it for real life things). Sorry in advance (also to my yoga class on Sunday, who might have to witness me doing asanas in the t-shirt. At least it's not as loud as the Hemmy faces one?).

For now, I wanted to mention one thing I noticed just flipping through the liner notes: go here (my RPF site), check the banner, note what everybody's shirts say, and then go here (yes, it's the same picture. I can't find my fullsize of the original). Y SO NCSSARY, PSHOP? *curious/confused hands*

Anyway. My day was otherwise uneventful. I often think my life is really boring and I don't have anything to do, but as soon as I try to add stuff, or schedule a cuddle/movie, I have no spare time whatsoever.

ALSO, LASTLY, I look terrible in yellow, but I'm going to make a Junior Wildnerness Explorer uniform anyway. BADGES FOR ACTUALLY USELESS THINGS, YES.

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1. My BND package isn't here yet. Customs :///

2. I'll live though, because! UP is the movie of my puppy/Junior Wilderness Explorer heaaaaaart.

3. ME: I was hiding under your porch. Because I love you. :DDD
RAFAEL: Oh right, that's where you came from! :DDD

4. I checked airfares to Chicago this morning, and just about made a mess in my pants. Seven-fifty round trip? NNNNGH. I have the week before wincon off, so I think I will go one or two days early, to facilitate exploration of the Leather Archives & Museum, and other wondrous things.

5. And now it is time for more O. Henry and bed. Nom nom, bed.

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Links to things which are composed of words:

1. "Where the Wild Things Were: Children of divorce, loneliness, and other magical things." After I saw WTWTA, I said it was childlike. I didn't mean happy unicorn funtiems, I meant this (children whose parents aren't divorced can have a similarly crappy time of it).

2. Via dragojustine: MYTHBUSTERS FIC. "Straight Man" by toft. It's sort of pre-slash, but not really. Oh god. Just read it, will you? Starts off kind of awkward and random, but totally hits stride a few sections in. I'm so excited about MB being a Yuletide fandom this year :D

3. This post concerns the death of Rafael's football team's goalkeeper. R's had a pretty shitty week because this happened (idk, Europeans and football), and it was really strange to see it pop up on M.Good's blog. WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. Or something.

4. The 4632 (not a "The 4400" spoof. Though it totally should be). My name is in there, somewhere off to the right, near the edge. I don't know why (theories abound as to where they got the names from, and I did sign up in the last two rounds of shenanigans, but there are a lot of people included who didn't, so), but the why is less important than the fact that FOB stole my cool again. Damn you, Fallout Boys.

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eta: 0. Because this is actually the most important thing: I would really, really like my BND package to arrive tomorrow or even on release day. That would be stupendous. Avoiding the spoilers is already killing me. Shipping gods, hear my plea. (ALSO, Patrick Stump, you're ridiculous[ly lovely and awesome]. I feel your nickname-correcting pain so, so deeply.)

1. I just completed my random, month-long review of Sports Night. Seriously, guys. Seriously. I miss that show so much (I miss Dan, a lot, and also Casey a little bit, and Dana! And Jeremy and Natalie's Jeremy/Natalieness. And I don't like to think about how much I miss Robert Guillaume in general, so), and I didn't even watch it when it was on TV. Why don't they make 'em like that anymore?

2. I signed up to get an AO3 beta account. I want to state for the record that I find the OTW's name to be pretentious and annoying, but I'm interested in seeing and being part of a resurgence of archive-based fandom.

Also, while characterizing transformative works-based fandom as a "predominantly female culture" is technically true, I don't like it. That's a personal thing, and I doubt it (the descriptor or my feelings about it) will change. I don't necessarily think the phrase needs to change (see above re: technically true), but I do think it's important for trans and non-female fans to speak their presence when the phrase and its less-kind kin get thrown around.

3. I'm going to buy a corkboard tomorrow. Because I need it for planning stories (I have a three-page skeleton outline for the LTROI AU, oh my god) and my life. Being/getting organized scares me, because it presents huge potential for failure, and also huge potential for success. Nonetheless, important. I think I need a new hammer, too.

4. "Breaking, Standing" - ¡Forward, Russia! (Because other bands don't have enough punctuation in their names.) "When it weighs too much, think of it as seven times the weight! But when it costs too much, consider it, but don't come to me for aid."

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

1. I'm having a lot of fun writing this LTROI AU, which is weird, 'cause it's, like, dark and depressing and shit. I think what makes me happy about it is crunching/squishing up the words and rolling them around in my mouth, my hands, and then putting them on the screen. Writing is like cooking, sometimes? Or clay work? Idk.

Also, working so far off the edges of my imaginary, ephemeral list of "ways you know you're reading BJ's fic!" is exciting. Freeing. Etc. etc.

The misery will come when it's actually done and I start feeling like an asshole because seimaisin pretty much just posted her fantastic vampire!Patrick story (read it!). My life is hard, guys. Hopefully I won't finish it for another six months and everything will be fine. *thumbs up*

2. So anyway, February is my ninth anniversary as a fic writer (visual evidences). I'm concerned that if I don't jump the gun and do something to commemorate, I'll forget and miss my actual tenth anniversary and then I'll be upset (what, there's a law that says it's gotta come in fives and tens???). I think what I'm going to do is have the website fully up and running (even though I don't want to look at all my WW fic, oh my god), and maybe do a "best-of" (audience participation? Do you care?). Because if there's one thing we here at [and chimeras] are all about, it's reccing our own work.

3. In other news, I can't stop listening to "For Your Entertainment" and bursting in to laughter every other line. It's like "SM Cowboy" and Britney Spears had a baby wearing calving gloves. I don't know!

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

Using the above lyric as a subject line gives me an uncomfortableness in my OCD, 'cause, like, I make it a Thing to not use the titles of songs in subject lines. IDK MY BRANE.

Anyway. Meme.

( no we're not ready for fair distribution! )

AFI are coming here in January. *frownyface of consideration*

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Also! I want to see Inside Hana's Suitcase this weekend. It's playing at Fifth Avenue tomorrow and Sunday afternoons. Anybody interested?

And, and! The Vancouver Holocaust Education Centre is having an exhibit about Canada and the 1936 Summer Olympics. If it wasn't horrible, it'd be funny. "More Than Just Games" is the title, for awesomesauce.

Okay, that's it. Laters!

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Fail, SPN. Massive fucking fail. Why do you keep playing me like this, baby? Ain't I been good to you?

In other, less faily news. Last night I had a dream that I went sailing with estrellada and jrope, which is bizarre because, like, I think we all like boats? But we're not serious sailors. Anyway, the boats were only two-person, so I ended up taking a boat on my own, and I still felt included and frienshippy and cared for and loved, etc. etc., and everything was fine and wonderful and very fun. YO DREAMSOURCE, TRY BEING A LITTLE SUBTLE NEXT TIME, 'KAY??? THX!!!

Whatever. Alexander Rokoff is my new favourite artist this week. Tasty, tasty Old Masters.

And now I have to go to work. Bleh. At least it's Friday.

PS: My tummy is itchy :///

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Setlist and report! Matthew Good (And His Band), November 10, 2009, at The Centre for Performing Arts in Vancouver.

( This makes five times I've seen him, and I'm still on the fence about the solo vs. band thing. My life is hard. )

Overall, not the worst show I've ever been to, but not his best ever. He looked like shit, but also like he was having a lot of fun, so. Idk. B+++, would see again.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

( Body and lifestyle talk. Pretty much analysis-free, but longer than I felt comfortable leaving un-cut. Also, potentially annoying and/or triggery. )

Anyway. I had a pretty good weekend, and I will probably talk some more about that tomorrowish.

AND AND MATTHEW GOOD TOMORROW NIGHT. I'm going by myself, which is sort of ridiculous, but whatever. It's not like I've never done--or been--that before. The end!

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

1. I kind of feel like SPN did a big thing badly last night. Idk. I liked the concept (LOVED the concept), but most of the execution really didn't do it for me very much at all. The production and writing were sort of disjointed and boring. I want to like it, but yeah. Like I said, didn't do very much for me at all. Sigh.

(Though, okay, y'all know that I have a bizarre fascination with biblical mythology, and can I just say, I'm a big fan of Gabriel. I know a lot about Michael, 'cause of my dad, but Gabriel, seriously. Gabriel is the nuts, guys. He's Heaven's UPS guy~!)

2. Quick rec: "Smoke gets in my eyes" by fleshflutter. AU-from-pilot, Dean/Azazel, Dean/others, Dean/Sam. Possibly the very definition of Evil Dean Fic (ie, child abuse, prostitution, physical violence, noncon out the yin-yang). NC17. 4000 words, I think?

This kind of fic is why I love SPN fic, and why I love(d) writing in this universe (and all its little bastard universes too)--the sheer flexibility of reality and the way words can be used to describe that, and acommunion with language I don't often see in other fandoms, and a simple willingness to explore the awful, terrible, horrible, no-good ways the premise and conceits of this show would actualfax rub up against the real world (regardless of the "it's just a TV show, geez!" admonition TPTB gave us last night). UGH UGH I LOVE.

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1. So Yuletide is having an amnesty year for people who've been bandinated fer defaultin in the past. I defaulted in 2006 or 2007, and I'm wibbling about signing up this year. Skimming the fandoms list, I can totally see some things I can offer as a writer, so. Idk. I kind of want to do it just to have done it, and have the slate clean so it's not this black thing hanging over my head: I had a shitty winter one time and defaulted on Yuletide oh nooooooes. You know.

Anyway.

2. If you don't know who Rachel McKibbens is, you're missing out! estrellada introduced me to her a while ago with this spoken word duo piece (can I claim "dirty little stepbrother" as a role? I think that should totally be allowed!). So, yes, I Youtubed her the other day, and this piece, "Central Park, Mother's Day," actually made me cry. Nom nom, spoken word, nom nom.

3. In the real world, I am tired of getting my hopes up for people I'm not already in love with. I'm scared of doing the math to see how many hours I spent writing the rules people are already breaking. I'm looking forward to a weekend full of strangers and learning and yelling. I'm already dreading coming back next week (but it'll be better if I can actually get a ticket for MG on Tuesday). My body doesn't feel good and I know exactly what's wrong and I need to close my eyes and do what's right.

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1. I think I've found the words for the shirt I'm gonna wear to my Matthew Good show next week: "It Starts Today (It Ends When I Say It Ends)." Nom nom nom artist brains.

2. I will not read the lyrics for "From Now On We Are Enemies." I WILL NOT. This is the last new FOB there will be for a very long time (ever, even), and I'm not fucking spoiling myself for it!!! Dammit.

3. kanata is awesome and now I have LTROI on my computron, and ugh. Pretty movie is pretty. I can't even get over the use of the snow and subtle audio and stark font on the opening credits to create a liminal space (never mind pointing out how I'm all about liminal spaces right now).

4. Relatedly, have a snippet.

( In which Patrick is fifteen, more or less. Pete is twenty. And...scene. )

*

Ugh. Who knew! My writing has unexplored potential for stiffness. Sigh.

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1. I feel a lot better, thanks guys. (A SNUGGLE OF OTTERS. Patrick hopping around and cocking his hips and thiiiiings! And an apocryphal Peter Griffin impression, oh my god. A man of many talents, he sort of is one.)

2. "Pony Boy" - Matthew Good Band. Circa Audio of Being. NOM NOM NOM.

3. There are two things I would like from the world right now:

a) a DVD of Let the Right One In so I can do a proper outline for the AU I'm writing (WHAT? What. Leave me alone. Everybody has to write at least one vampire story; it's in the contract you signed when you got your first ff.n account);

b) someone who has seen LTROI, and is FOB-oriented, and who lives here--for the facilitation of actualfax handholding--who can tell me if I'm doing this horribly wrong;

c) ...okay, three things. A copy of Robert Graysmith's first book about the Zodiac. This has nothing to do with the preceding items, I just really want to read it.

d) And a beer. This one is actually doable, except that I have to be up and driving a bus in not a very long time. OH WELL, it can wait until tomorrow night.

4. Later gator!

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

Oh hell, guys, I just had an anxiety attack and I'm stuck in my head having shitty conversations. Please help me think about other things? Any distractions would be greatly appreciated (except for .gifs, 'cause they kill my phone).

This afternoon, provided I'm not huddled in a ball in the locker room shower, I'm gonna polish up octette's ten-minute prompt, and start on another one. Whoo!

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

Packing is fun, guys! Geez. Why didn't anyone ever tell me? I can't wait to do this shit when I've got my good binder back from the laundry.

In other news, pictures of the not-a-puppy:

( taking suggestions for names, btw. )

That's $240/month for the next six years right there. Fuck. Some loving advice from me to you: never default on your student loans, kids.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

"In One Easy Lesson" by ladyjanelly. CW RPF, Jared/Jeff, Jared/Jensen. NC17. Warning for kink.

This isn't quite a rec, and not quite an anti-rec, either. The writing is good, the characterization is good, but the author is doin kink rong in so many ways.

( Not in the usual ways, though, and I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing. Possibly TMI kink talk within. )

The moral of the story is that Jeffrey Dean Morgan is a bad mentor! And that I like to complain!

*
Today, I'm going to estrellada's church and being on a panel about LGBT things for the youth group. WHOO. No, I'm actually pretty excited about it. I like talking about myself. Also, I grabbed my union's LGBT resource pamphlet in case I need a quick definition or something.

Happy All Saints'? Lol.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

Photo by Draona.

At least go out and soak up some All Hallows' full blue moonlight, okay? Dance if the spirit moves you.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

1. Happy Hallowe'en!!! I'm being a mild-mannered genderqueer. (Read: I'm packing! But not binding! I feel pretty good about this. And I'm so bloody non-descript that if someone's looking at my crotch, I have way more questions for them than they'd be asking me. Packer's name is Simon, btw.)

2. Media Democracy Day is next Saturday. I'm kind of bummed that I'll be at Sagacity's anniversary conference in Victoria (link is full of kinky things), but that might also be because MVK's AGM is on Saturday night. Why does everything always happen all at once? *frownyface*

3. Okay, I just went and took some (more) pictures of the new addition, but they're gonna have to wait to get uploaded, since I heard someone speaking through a megaphone to a crowd which might just have been chanting "Seig Heil," and that shit ain't right. Especially when there's the Lubavitch Centre, the Jewish Community Centre, a Jewish school, and two Jewish old age care facilities on this intersection.

Also, I have to catch a bus downtown.

eta: Everything seems to have died down in the fifteen minutes I was back inside. I did see a CBC truck driving away, so I'll check it out later. Now, Swedish vampire movie!

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