i wasn't put on this earth to be a mathematician.

all i can offer you is this: i gotta full tank of gas and plenty of room in my car.

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 04:33:31 GMT

APOCAREC: "petewentz @ stumpalicious" by svmadelyn. Warnings for zombies and Twitterfic (and "Pete tricks Patrick into getting married" and mpreg), but I just about peed myself laughing, especially at the Very Special Cameo Special Appearance near the end. Fucking hilarious.

stumpalicious @ petewentz: It's kind of freeing knowing that I'm posting into an ether b/c everyone's dead

stumpalicious @ petewentz: sorry that everyone's dead

stumpalicious: ten new followers wtf?

petewentz @ stumpalicious: u have more than me!?

:D :D :D

End of year meme? What end of year meme? Sigh.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

come on oh my star is fading.

Thu, 07 Jan 2010 03:25:13 GMT

Okay, so, it's done. "Melodramatic Ninny" has been renamed "Will Astrology," and you can buy it here for $5.50, or download it here for freeeeez.

Shipping is kind of overpriced, whatevs. Don't you want to cuddle my book???? *puppy eyes*

(For the love of Pete, if you read it and have a thought, tell it to me so I can change the back cover. PLS.)

(My icon seriously accurately reflects how I'm feeling about this project right now. *falls over*)

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

sodaflash stares won't last.

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 20:09:25 GMT

I am suspicious about the origins of this meme, because nobody's said where they got it, AND YET somebody on my flist/rpage was soliciting lists of "favourite" tropes the other day. CURIOUS. Also, I don't know if I'm supposed to just talk about my general feelings on these tropes, or specifics about writing/reading them??? Idk. Blind memeage!

I got it from kanata, anyway.

if it wasn't popular, people wouldn't keep writing it:

Genderswap: I enjoy the idea of it, but the execution is, nine times out of ten, so incredibly rage-inducing. Also, can I just say for the ninety millionth time, it's not GENDER you're swapping, it's SEX, and! And! Fic about trans characters is not swap fic of any fucking kind--stop fucking tagging "Document" as genderswap, goddammit (that's a wee Letter to People Who Save Things on Delicious that never got sent, lol). Anyway. Never actually written it.

Bodyswap: It can be amusing, but it's not really my thing in fic. I like it on TV shows/in movies, though. The visual element of the swap, and how voices get handled, etc. etc., is important to me. Never written it.

Drunk!fic: Impairment sometimes works for me, ngl. Usually as a coercive measure. I'm a bad person. Never written it!

Huddling together for warmth: Siiiiiiigh. With sharing sleeping bags while trapped in a cold, dark place? One hundred yeses. And yet, never written it.

Undercover in a gay bar: Lol, old school. I like it in the old school way, and I don't really read "We're Not Gay, We Just Love Each Other" into stories where sexuality isn't explicitly addressed/discussed (I just read human experience into it, mostly, 'cause I don't personally think about my sexual orientation or preferences all that much), so that aspect doesn't bother me. What? Does that make me a bad queer? Never written it, in any case.

Pretending to be married: \:D/

Secretly a virgin: Oh my god, that one where Pete was secretly a virgin? Seriously, guys.

Generally, though, I'm not a fan of unconscious fetishization of chastity/promiscuity, so.

I can see myself writing this, maybe, perhaps, but I haven't yet.

Amnesia: Usually only if it's paired with some "pretending to be married"-type stuff, or if the amnesiac is already in a relationship and the other person uses the amnesia as a do-over button for the whole thing (=pining and guilt! Yay!). I wrote quite a few stories about Colin Hart and his Traumatic Brain Woobification, but I dunno if that really counts, 'cause it was canon. Everwood s1: you can't make this shit up!

Crossdressing: Om nom nommmmmmm. In any direction! Haven't finished anything with it, sadly, but I do enjoy noodling around with the concept on occasion (it's a delightful theoretical exercise for me, as someone whose gender is quite queer and frankly, fucked--I have some ideas of what crossdressing would be like for me, but it's more interesting for my mind to wander around the concept from a cissexed and/or gendered POV).

Forced to share a bed: This totally goes with "huddling for warmth" in my brain. Again, haven't finished anything with it.

Aliens made them do it: *three big fat hairy thumbs up* I also like sex pollen. I also haven't written any of that sort of stuff, lol.

Wingfic: I've read some things, but I don't really get it? Like, often the stories are very beautiful, etc., but I don't understand the appeal of the trope, so. Meh. I'd totally read something about Pete as a Touched by an Angel angel, though. :D?

Mpreg: Only if there are horrible spider monsters. Obviously.

Mistakenly assumed to be gay: Okay, I have issues with this one, but I'll read it and usually enjoy it. I don't think I've written it, but I made some bad choices back in West Wing fandom. Also, this Merlin one by Astolat is good shit (though, granted, it's more of a "mistakenly claims to be gay." Still).

Let's play truth or dare: Never written it, but \:D/

Mary Sue fic: Uh, yeah. I totally never wrote any of that. Um.

Aphrodisiacs: Only in magical universes, strangely enough. Also, consent issues.

Never written it, but I think that's mostly 'cause I don't write that much porn.

Curtain fic: Yay domesticity! I don't really like established relationship fic that much, but sometimes domesticity in with the first timeage is awesome. Though I dislike the equation of curtains and domesticity. Manly Barca-loungers are domestic, too (oh god Joey/Chandler).

Hurt/Comfort: I can eat this shit with a big honkin' spoon if it's done well, which it very often is not. Which is sad. Because I like it when characters fall apart.

I already admitted to being a bad person! You knew what you were getting into!

I've written a little of this, I guess. I don't know. I mix emotions so liberally in my stuff, it's hard to say. Oh, oh, to the persons who tagged mtf!Pete as hurt/comfort? Screw you!

Apocalypse fic: Meh. Usually they're too long for my attention span (...this is why I haven't finished any of it, either), but the ones I've managed to read have generally been very good.

Someone has a baby: Depends on so many variables that I just usually say I'm not into it, lol.

Telepathic soulbonding: Never written it, but more \:D/

Werewolves mate for life: Not really, no. I mean, I can get into supernatural elements, but creepy, idealistic, romanticized fetishization is yucky when applied to almost any surface.

I have written about werewolves exactly once! It was a remix of Gloss's "Signs and Tokens" for the Silverlake site/comm, and it was Giles/Remus and Giles/Oz (and Giles/Ethan, but whatever). So, obviously, no mating for life there.

*

Probably I'll do the end of year one in a little bit. First, I have to heat up some roti and veggies'n'squash-in-jalfrezi.

...I am suddenly craving crusty cheesey bread sticks. Wtf?

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

fit the crown to my head.

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 16:39:40 GMT

A poem for Dean, on her birthday day! Happy Birthday!

*

alliance

"You have to make an alliance with your anguish," he said,
"not wage war against it." And I thought of all the fists
I had shaken at misfortune: games lost
because the shot clock ran out,
a good meal scorched in a forgotten oven,
money dropped on a dress worn only once,
the bully in 6th grade, the math test in 9th,
the wrong outfit at Halloween.
But of course, this isn't what he meant.

If I were brave enough, I'd tell you how my heart
has raged for love, stretched thin as a high wire.
If I were brave enough, I'd tell you
how my body has been fighting to stay upright
on every precipitous downhill the city
throws at it. If I were brave enough,
I'd climb into your lap and weep with longing.
All I can say is that any attempt at beauty and hope
is land-mined with failure.
And so the perilous track-making begins.
Wending our way through,
there are possible clutches at sunlight, at windows, at yes.
We are each of us inches from death.
We are each of us inches from life.
We are each of us inches from one another.

-Maya Stein

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

never means forever.

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 06:09:01 GMT

1. Uploaded some photos from the August hook pull to my FetLife profile. Going through the disc of pictures was intense and embarrassment-squicky, omg.

2. Not-a-puppy has a new stereo! It is beeyootful! I will miss the broad-faced simplicity of the factory AM/FM radio, but omfg I missed being able to belt out "TWO MORE WEE-EE-EEKS, MY FOOT IS IN THE DO-OO-OR YEAH-AH-AH!!!" on the freeway moar.

3. Mad Men marathon on Bravo this weekend. Om nom nom.

4. I only finished three stories this year, so I don't know that the end-of-year meme is really worth it.

5. You know I'm gonna do it anyway, right? Right.

6. BUT FIRST: If I didn't think it was rude, I'd probably write a silly nota!fic post about a superhero/villian AU where Pete is Alpha Dog, defender of Not!Chicago, and Patick is Omegalomaniac, his arch-nemesis, and they have completely ridiculous backstory about being a band and having a fight and stuff. Omegalomaniac is very much into designing, robbing banks to fund, and stealing parts for doomsday machines, which he never actually manages to build. Or, they're faily. Also, this girl wonder shows up (uh, Delta? Something Latin. It's Ashlee, anyway, duh) and at first she's totally being Alpha Dog's unwanted sidekick, BUT THEN...in the middle of a confrontation with Omegalomaniac, she suckerpunches AD in the head and switches sides!!! Oh my gosh! I don't know what happens after that!

Joe is the intrepid reporter who suspects--but can't bring himself to confirm--that his two best friends who don't talk to each other anymore are the city's caped crusader and dreaded evil genius. Andy is the secretly helpful beat cop/detective/chief of police (no, he is, shut up).

Alpha Dog's logo is an A with a howling wolf/dog head coming out of it, like this:

Yes, I made it in Paint! I don't know what's wrong with me today!

Omegalomaniac wears a lot of suits? And ugly glasses. It's a cunning disguise!

7. ...I need some ice cream, and then some Robin McKinley. Why didn't I ask for The Hero and the Crown for Christmas? Silly BJ.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

the ace up my sleeve (so to speak).

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 16:18:12 GMT

(This entry brought to you by: the last two episodes of the Savage Lovecast and Twitter.)

1. Okay, the thing that bugs me most about this whole "women's sexuality is fluid!!! So lesbians won't always be lesbians and vice versa versa!!! It are proved by the sciens!!!" thing is that a) shut up, and b) it sounds like just another round of dictating female sexuality and sexual identity and stealing female sexual enfranchisement and saying teh vagineh make us flakie (no, it's the Crisco). Also, c) what about those of us who might have been assigned, raised, and bodied as female, but don't identify as such? Is "women's" gender identity fluid too??? What about those of us who've taken corrective steps? What about those of us who are men??? Also, also, d) stop giving the "I don't believe in homosechality" idiots fuel for their stupidity fires.

Lastly, and I feel this is my strongest and most eloquent argument: e) shut up.

2. Gay men are not special. The end.

3. Which isn't to say I don't like gay and/or queer men (holla), 'cause yes, obviously, I do very much, just. You know. They're not special.

4. And now for something completely different:

# 20:54:49: a party animal or something kinda flamboyant like a seahorse @moony6 I'm just reading a book and now I'm curious. What animal are you?
# 21:10:24: RT @josh_patton: @petewentz Seahorses are androgynous. How fitting.

Oh my gosh, stop it Pete Wentz. And you too, Josh Patton. Whoever you are. Besides a big honkin' enabler.

(I know the FOB bits of bandom are getting withery, but, okay, I also know some of you still give a crap. Would anybody besides me read Pete ageplayin' as a tween girl? Obviously written by me, lol. Who the fuck else would write that shit.)

5. Right! Time for some more Taylor Mali! "Like, You Know?/Speak with Conviction" (don't get so excited about Mos Def you miss the first bit of the piece, which is sort of what happened to me) and "The Impotence of Proofreading" (HILARIOUS and TRUTHY and YESYESYES).

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

we could run with the best of them if you'd let me steal you away.

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 05:27:52 GMT

1. Tentatively planning a trip to San Francisco for International Ms. Leather(/Ms. BootBlack) 2010 in April. Possibly coming off a week-long union course in Toronto. Whee.

2. I'm so, so bad at writing personal ads, guys. I either give too much information or not enough. Or, third option, entirely the wrong information. Sigh.

3. My leg really hurts. My life isn't so much about anything else right now, unfortunately. Bleh.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

i'll be your number one with a bullet.

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 06:44:19 GMT

1. This morning, I slipped on the ice rink which has replaced our deck and did the splits for the first time in almost twenty years. Was surprisingly not as empowering as you might think. Muscles in the back of my right leg are quite unhappy.

I still went to Abbbotsford for Boxing Day open house at my grandparents'/aunt's house. Because it was either that or go to the hospital. Because my mother is--my mother, basically. At least I had an excuse for being lazy and anti-social for once.

2. Sherlock Holmes is AWESOME and made me really happy.

3. Terminator: Salvation is boring and annoying, oops, sry Christian Bale.

4. Somewhere along the line, my family got the idea that Turtle is my spirit whatever? Makes some sense, but really. Whatevs, always happy to receive sorta-ugly carved stone necklaces purchased from hippie ladies at farmers' markets.

5. Anyway, I'm sleepy and sore, so I'm gonna go to bed and read. I took The Blue Sword off the shelf for the first time in several years, and I just. Ugh. Robin McKinley, rite moar. Also, stop hating on fanfiction.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

hang a shining star upon the highest bow.

Fri, 25 Dec 2009 03:04:29 GMT

1. If they weren't twenty dollars for three, and I hadn't already bought estrellada her Xmas present: mirror silhouettes (stars and swallows). Maybe for a birthday. Maybe for ME, even.

2. Sometimes I wish I had a ferreals sekrit journal for posting things I think are funny and true, but would probably just worry people I know IRL.

3. I had this corny impulse to record a voice entry of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," but, you know, the thing about impulses is that they're temporary. So have some Kermit thee Frog instead.

4. 'Kay, I was totally not in the mood for what #1 and #2 on my radio presets were playing on my way home, so I put on the Virgin Radio re-cast (with Ryan Seacrest, zomfg), and Adam Lambert was playing, and I started daydreaming about a leatherdaddy!Patrick/"Subtlety"-verse snippet where Pete changes his Patrick-specific ringtone to "For Your Entertainment," because he's a little shit and also because it's funny, and then he can't find his phone at Patrick's house one day, so Patrick calls it, and some epic D: and :||| ensue. And then I remembered I was driving and decided to focus on that instead. THE END.

5. Lololol, okay, the keyword for this icon is "and an ipod," and I just realized that I DID get an iPod for Chanukah.

...So where's my Chris Pine?

...Maybe that's my answer to the eternal "what movie should I watch??? The house and all its media are belong to MEEEE tonight" question. Since I've already taken care of the personal entertainment and made a big mess, oops, not.

6. Anyway. I'm seeing ~~Robert Downey, Jr. Better Have a Swordcane in~~ Sherlock Holmes ~~and Jude Law's Fantastic Fucking Eyebrows~~ (I watched Sleuth the other day, oh my shit) tomorrow with my big brother, and you're not, so there. Well. Maybe moizissimo is. With her big brother, who is probably actually related to her. Still. The vast majority of you are not doing anything resembling what I am doing tomorrow, and what I am doing tomorrow is awesome. Also, I have pre-purchased the tickets, because being prepared is awesome as well. So there. I win. \o/

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

you're stabbing you through him.

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 13:00:13 GMT

1. Happy Solstice!

2. I feel one of the problematic (and also AWESOME) things about bandom (all the types) is that you kind of don't even have to write a lot of the really amazing things. Because eventually even the story about Pete getting his nose broken will happen IRL, at least partially.

3. Taylor Mali, my new favourite poetry boyfriend, tells/reminds us "What Teachers Make." Yay teachers and librarians and aides!!!

4. Patrick (Part Deux II) at I will be rockin' it on the transit today, oh yes. And also the treadmill, if it's raining and I can't take an actual walk.

5. There is no five. This entry just seems really short. I'd go find something random to fill it out, but I have to get to work. Sigh. Laters, gators.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

i'd like to know this morbid opinions.

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 23:00:52 GMT

Who Understands Me But Me

They turn the water off, so I live without water,
they build walls higher, so I live without treetops,
they paint the windows black, so I live without sunshine,
they lock my cage, so I live without going anywhere,
they take each last tear I have, I live without tears,
they take my heart and rip it open, I live without heart,
they take my life and crush it, so I live without a future,
they say I am beastly and fiendish, so I have no friends,
they stop up each hope, so I have no passage out of hell,
they give me pain, so I live with pain,
they give me hate, so I live with my hate,
they have changed me, and I am not the same man,
they give me no shower, so I live with my smell,
they separate me from my brothers, so I live without brothers,
who understands me when I say this is beautiful?
who understands me when I say I have found other freedoms?

I cannot fly or make something appear in my hand,
I cannot make the heavens open or the earth tremble,
I can live with myself, and I am amazed at myself, my love, my beauty,
I am taken by my failures, astounded by my fears,
I am stubborn and childish,
in the midst of this wreckage of life they incurred,
I practice being myself,
and I have found parts of myself never dreamed of by me,
they were goaded out from under rocks in my heart
when the walls were built higher,
when the water was turned off and the windows painted black.
I followed these signs
like an old tracker and followed the tracks deep into myself
followed the blood-spotted path,
deeper into dangerous regions, and found so many parts of myself,
who taught me water is not everything,
and gave me new eyes to see through walls,
and when they spoke, sunlight came out of their mouths,
and I was laughing at me with them,
we laughed like children and made pacts to always be loyal,
who understands me when I say this is beautiful?

-Jimmy Santiago Baca

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

slow it down you have a tendency to rush.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 22:05:59 GMT

1. IPOD. NEW IPOD. FOR ME. FROM IOWA. heyginger is the beeeeeeeeeeeeeest, and not only because she facilitated the UPS guy arriving during my party last night and inspiring many, many porn jokes, etc.

2. ...I threw a Chanukah party last night and it was fun! I would like to have company more often! Just needs to be the right kind of company, I guess.

3. Had a bit of brainfail in the middle of things. I feel terrible, but I apologized and got forgived, so I'll live.

4. The red band tattoo will be a bit like this (Supernova Remnant SN 1006), just to keep things visually interesting (the silver-platinum thread running across/along is perfect). Soon.

5. I'm taking a shower and then going to London Drugs to buy Patrick (Part Deux II) a Pelican water resistant case, hell yes.

6. But first, and lastly: bb have another slice of pie is right, jfc. I stuck with him through the puffy vests, the ill-advised scruff, and the fuck-ugly glasses. I don't think I can stay on the Stump bangwagon if he's got no cushion at all. *dismay*

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

i ain't passed the bar but i know a little bit.

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 05:32:51 GMT

Today on Great Poets, lol:

the last song

driving the freeway while
listening to the Country and Western boys
sing about a broken heart
and the honkytonk blues,
it seems that things just don't work
most of the time
and when they do it will be for a
short time
only.
well, that's not news.
nothing's news.
it's the same old thing in
disguise.
only one thing comes without a
disguise and you only see it
once, or
maybe never.
like getting hit by a freight
train.
makes us realize that all our
moaning about long lost girls
in gingham dresses
is not so important
after
all.

-Charles Bukowski

*

shore recognition

freighters at rest in English Bay
ponderous and irrational
grey whale ship forms on grey water under grey sky
starbright marker lights flashing for shore recognition
this is usually my favourite time of year but
we are dropped iron, lop-sided, like anchors in the seabed
when i'm marked, i'm solid, human-shaped
you're connected, we're real
the depth of the ocean and the colour of the sky
and the ships like gravestones covered in veils
rain licking in sparks from orange park lights on the beach
mourners, bent at the neck

-Me

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

can't even sell my soul.

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:09:33 GMT

1. I Twittered and Facebooked LJ's genderfail, because I knew I'd be preaching/outreaching to the choir if I wrote about it here. But, yes, fail. At least there is backpedalling--for now.

(I read a comment on a friend's LJ from someone who's like, "Eh. This doesn't bother me." And I was so enraged. I just. GENDER RIGHTS ARE HUMAN RIGHTS, GUYS. Yes, you have privilege, you identify as one of the two proffered options--that doesn't mean the lack of other options isn't harmful to you! Also! You have the right to keep your gender to yourself!!! Christ on a cracker! Exclamation points!!!)

2. [Self-bashing rhetoric redacted. Placeholder for future reference.]

3. People who've decided I don't like them and I'm going to try to screw them over, and then ask me for advise or clarification on things, and then get all het up no matter what I say/do can go suck on a lemon. A crate of fuckin' lemons.

4. I'm reading some Agatha Christie short stories. She was totally a closet romance writer. ♥

5. Today, Matthew Good tells me to "be the sea instead." Sounds like a plan, man.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

and whom shall i say is calling.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 05:36:11 GMT

Oh, this is not very good at all, but it's been a week since I mentioned snippets, so.

always knew it'd come to this:

Pete works two hours at the campus bookstore, and then goes to his Thursday night criminology class. Afterwards, he's on his way to his car, books under his arm, keys in his hand, when he looks up and across the street and sees her at the bus loop. She's standing on the curb, arms crossed, staring at him with a blank face, tall and thin in black and blue. Her nearly-white hair is braided, hanging over her shoulders.

She looks both ways, leaning forward, one foot rising, obviously preparing to cross the street. Panic crawls in his stomach and up through his chest to his throat.

She meets him at his car, bracing herself against the roof on the passenger side as he's fumbling with his keys.

"Pete," she says sharply.

Reflexively, he mutters, "Ash--"

"Look at me," she says, and his eyes snap up to her face, paper-white under a black toque, lips chapped dark and bright pink, eyes red-rimmed. A scarf is wound thick around her neck, but he glances anyway, drawn to check for teethmarks. She squeezes her eyes shut and reaches into her pocket. Her hand slams onto the roof of his car, leaving behind a leather sheath.

He takes a step back, dropping his books in the frozen slush of the parking lot.

"You left this," she says, low and hateful. "In my room. I don't want it."

The mad rush of her parents opening the front door downstairs, pulling clothes on and avoiding any stray touch or glance or word--the raw regret in her eyes. "I forgot it," he says. "I wasn't trying--"

"I don't care," she spits, and walks away, boots crunching in salt and snow.

He watches her go, unwillingly tracking the sway of her hips and the line of her shoulders, and when she's stepped up into the bus that will take her back to her suburban coccoon, he reaches for his knife with a shaking hand.

Four hours later, Pete is shuffling his sneakers through frosty gravel, scuffing the creaky merry-go-round in a wobbling circle. He's got one sleeve shoved up to his elbow, skin goosebumpy in the cold, and his other hand in his hoodie pocket, fingers curled intently around the leather covering his knife.

The world past the gravel patch of the playground is grey grass fading into black trees and beyond. A single sodium light shines resentfully near the parking lot, gilding Pete's car with fake moonlight, casting Pete's shadow long and thin across the rocks when he's facing the forest, tilting and scaling it down when he's facing the lot, like a midnight sundial.

He's pressing his thumb under the snap of the leather sheath, steadying his breath in anticipation, when he hears the crunch of a single footstep--too close. He snaps around, skidding the merry-go-round to a screeching halt, grabbing the bars on either side of himself before he falls off.

A kid in a corduroy jacket and trucker cap is staring at him. "Are you some kind of creep?" the kid asks, sounding bemused.

"What?" Pete says.

"'Cause hanging out in playgrounds at midnight is pretty creepy."

The rusty, blue-spattered metal is freezing against Pete's bare forearm. He shivers and blinks and the kid smirks at him, pale mouth in a pale, fine face, eyes shadowed by the brim of his hat. "I guess you'd know," Pete says, more than a beat too late. "Since you're--you know, hanging out in a playground at midnight." He shrugs and grimaces at himself.

"Yeah," the kid says, voice edging on laughter. "I guess I would." He puts his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looks around. The sodium light picks out the line of his nose and his cheek and his chin and Pete recognizes him, suddenly, like a low bell tolling once in his belly: the boy from across the street.

The kid's steady, hidden gaze settles on Pete again, and Pete can tell now that the kid recognizes him too.

"So, creep," the kid says, "do you spy on your neighbours a lot?"

Pete shakes his head, confused, unwilling to respond, because--he doesn't, but.

"That's what I thought," the kid says, turning away. The light catches his face again and he's rolling his eyes, smirking. "See you later, creep."

The kid is gone into the night, born off like the bus bore Ashlee. Pete licks his lips and says into the listening, laughing dark, "What makes you think I care if you think I'm a creep?"

*

And now Milk and marzipan! Whoo.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

you look so good when you let it show.

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 01:00:39 GMT

1. Is there any good Criminal Minds fic? Seriously. *despair*

2. Second curry is rather more successful: kabocha squash, carrots, tomatoes, zucchini, mushrooms, a small red chili, shallots, gaaaaarlic, coconut milk, tomato paste, and Mrs. Patak's tomato and coriander curry paste. ALL THE NOMS ARE BELONG TO ME.

3. Priority two for the new apartment is accessibility (priority one is at least in-building laundry, 'cause I'm a lazy shit, sry).

4. I'm watching s2 Everwood right now, and spent a not-inconsiderable amount of time last night looking for this Bright/Ephram fic, 'cause I just needed to read it and couldn't remember the title. Sigh. That fandom produced some quality shit, guys (I'm not talking about me, ffs).

5. "Red Heart" - Hey Rosetta!. Sort of Wintersleep-ish, but more upbeat. Were you born a closed book, full of secret lines and bound so tight? Or did you learn to lock it, as not to break your spine? Oh, you were bound so tight!

6. RIGHT, WAIT, okay, can we talk about how I'd like a novel about this photo (NSFW on account of visible erection. Also, watersports)? Sigh, sigh. *chinhand*

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

to the night another name.

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 18:57:36 GMT

Links for Friday:

+"Sold Anything: You can be and are." An MGblog post about the overwhelming popularity of military-themed wallpapers for phones and desktops.

+"Details in the Fabric" - Jason Mraz ft. James Morrison. Hang on, help is on the way. I am doing everything.

+Argyle dog bones. ♥

+Pete's desk at Crush. I never wanted to read Pete/Bob McMFLynn before, but.

+The Geminid metero shower is happening right now. Tried to watch it the other night, but there was too much light pollution. Video.

+"When Punks Turn into Politicians: Two members of one of Toronto's seminal punk bands from the 1980s now are willing to spend their days putting up with all the droning and terrible style sense endemic to the House of Commons. "What gives?" I wondered." Lols abound.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

the lucky child is learning fast.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:20:01 GMT

1. Catherine's wake was last night. Jack opened an amazing, amazing circle and gave a wonderful eulogy; a beautiful, resonant group said Kaddish with Catherine's widow(er? Idk, "butch" doesn't smush in right); TTT performed a stunning piece (like getting punched in the gut, like having my heart and lungs ripped out: exactly right); and there was a landslide of music and singing and eating and drinking and not a small amount of dancing towards the end of the night. It was good.

Nothing's over, the process of loss and revival isn't finished, but it was a waymarker, a boundary stone. The fact of it has been established and the logistics of it sorted. Today the world starts learning how to be without.

2. I've been listening to a lot of the Savage Lovecast lately, and it's definitely fulfilling (or just teasing, idk) my latent "people from the American Midwest/East Coast swearing!!!" thing. Nnn. Hot.

3. I wanted to have a nap before leaving for work, but I don't think that's going to happen. Sigh. E-mailed a friend in New Mexico, did a paragraph of the LTROI AU, figured out the details of my "fried food and candles!" Chanukah party, and checked various social networking media (I don't like the future! It needs too many unique passwords!).

As long as it doesn't snow, today should be a good day.

eta: 4. The LTROI AU's title is either going to be "And I'll Take It To Mine" (which I'm eh about 'cause LTROI's vampire species isn't undead and maybe I want to save that title for the 16 Candles AU I was writing before this story ate my life) or a line from "Breaking Standing" by ¡Forward, Russia!. Thoughts?

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

drive them blues away.

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:41:18 GMT

Left over from last night:

1. So, you know what, sure the snowflake cookies are free, but I don't have the attention span to give all of you snowflake cookies, nor all the people who aren't on this journal. Obviously, I'm a terrible internets friend, but I'm just gonna take credit for some of the anonymous ones, okay? And when I make the snowflake sugar cookies, I will take pictures and share them with you. Okay. ♥

2. I had a little whiskey earlier and then I came home and put on my "I Like That Song!!!" playlist, which is just random nonsense, mostly singles the radio doesn't play often enough, and my current music came on [nb: Rise Against - "Audience of One"] and I just started laughing at myself, because this song is totally all about Tim McIlrath's bitter and tragical love for Pete Wentz (incl. the ridiculous bass solo, because they both play bass, omg). I know I've talked about this theory before, but I love it a lot, so I'm gonna mention it once in a while.

Today:

3. Dude, we should all be super happy I don't have a little whiskey more often. Christ on a cracker.

4. I has a holiday icon! \o/ From this post, which does not have nearly enough "all I want for Chanuka" iterations. Whatevs, I like this one!

5. I know what I'm wearing to the wake tomorrow. This is very much of the good, except that the tie I want to wear a) isn't tied, and I dunno how, and b) needs to be ironed :/.

6. Time for curry. Bye!

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

and get him to trade our places.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 21:45:37 GMT

Souvenons-nous - 6 décembre 1989

Geneviève Bergeron (born 1968), civil engineering student

Hélène Colgan (born 1966), mechanical engineering student

Nathalie Croteau (born 1966), mechanical engineering student

Barbara Daigneault (born 1967), mechanical engineering student

Anne-Marie Edward (born 1968), chemical engineering student

Maud Haviernick (born 1960), materials engineering student

Maryse Laganière (born 1964), budget clerk in the École Polytechnique's finance department

Maryse Leclair (born 1966), materials engineering student

Anne-Marie Lemay (born 1967), mechanical engineering student

Sonia Pelletier (born 1961), mechanical engineering student

Michèle Richard (born 1968), materials engineering student

Annie St-Arneault (born 1966), mechanical engineering student

Annie Turcotte (born 1969), materials engineering student

Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz (born 1958), nursing student

Ecole Polytechnique Massacre.
The massacre and the imminent death of Canada's long gun registry (the gun Mark Lepine used to kill these women is/was covered by the long gun registry).

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

i just don't do disappointed.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 21:29:26 GMT

1. Matthew Good US tour next spring! Starts in Seattle in March!!! Idk how far south he's going, but he hasn't played down there in years, so hopefully he's at least hitting Portland or something.

2. Thank you to anonymous (AKA: phoebesmum) and anonymous (AKA: actually anonymous) for the snowflake cookies. Now I totally want to make some snowfalke sugar cookies and put Coke beads on them. Nom nom noms!

3. I has a new iPod coming my way presently, and I'm going to buy a Pelican case for it, because never let it be said that I don't learn my lesson (well. A lot of the time I don't, but still).

4. HAPPILY, the 'rents are going to give me Best Buy giftcards for Christmas, so I can put a proper fucking stereo in Not-a-puppy (he came with an AM/FM radio, and that's it, and it's driving me nuts), which means no more geedee radio commercials. Also, an aux-in jack, whee.

5. Off to newsletter meeting at IHOP. Laters!

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

i'm a hustler, homie: you a customer, crony.

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 04:58:26 GMT

I've made my first curry (baked acorn squash, carrots, tomatoes, shallots and garlic, coconut milk, veggie broth, korma sauce; too much liquid=cooking down for an hour, not enough rice=getting some naan to go with for lunches) and now I'm watching The Hours on TV. Earlier, I watched a bunch of Criminal Minds and also Jarhead (goddamn, I love that movie and/or Jake Gyllenhaal). I finally got SPN s4 on DVD today (I was waiting for it to not be fifty dollars, but that's obviously not going to happen; fuckers). Etsy is fighting a pitched battle with PWentz for majority ownership of my monies.

I'm doing okay today. I'm gonna go work on MN for a bit while Virginia Woolf is failing at being a lesbian.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

when we gonna find the eyes to see the light of day.

Sat, 05 Dec 2009 06:41:11 GMT

1. I'm really, really sad I can't buy MCR's version of "All I Want For Christmas Is You." Sure, Canada has equal marriage, but I want the sooooong.

2. I like David Gray. I'm a fan. I often forget this, and then something comes on the radio and I'm like, "Dude! David Gray is pretty awesome!"

3. "Document" got recced a bit (by someone who's not on my flist!) and I realized that I never actually posted it anywhere but the Genderbend BB comm, lol. Is it too late to do that, do you think? *eyeroll*

4. I want to be posting snippets of the LTROI AU, but I'm not only writing it in my usual piecemeal but also a little bit backwards, and the only completed scenes of any length are at the end, and I don't want to ruin it for you. So no snippets yet. Maybe some snarky vampire!jailbait!Patrick later this weekend, though.

5. So I failed getyourwordsout. 42086 words so far, with one month left. My pledge was 200K. I really thought I wrote more than that without special effort? I think I haven't written as much as I have in the past, though. I'm not in any first-flush fandom, and I think I might be one of those annoying fertile/fallow writers, where I have long periods of productivity (not necessarily periods of finishing things, mind you) and long periods of not so much productivity. Oh well. At least I'm poetry-ing again. I'd be content with writing and completing one piece of fiction a year if I could write poetry at the pace/level I did in college. Insert whiny rant about why-oh-why did my ex-meds' permanent brain chemistry alteration have to happen to my words. WHY OH WHY.

ANYWAY. I'm babbling, so I'm gonna go. Laters, gators.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

i'm just the man on the balcony singing: nobody will ever remember me.

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:47:58 GMT

1. I need a new dayplanner--my awesome school-year Harry Potter one got chocolate milk all over it and now it's gross. Also, I really need a letter-sized one, 'cause it seems like everything always happens on the same day.

2. So this is my next week:

*Saturday is apartment-viewing, grocery-shopping, and either VD or the Mr. Vancouver Leather Whatever (...both links prolly nsfw) party at the Pumpjack (but not the play party! 'Cause that's at the menz's onlie! sauna and I can't get in. Yes, I'm pouting);
*Sunday is for doing the Melodramatic Ninny layout and housework and writing some more LTROI AU;
*Monday is FREEEEEE and also House;
*Tuesday is Violence in the Workplace Central Committee meeting at work HQ in Surrey and a community meeting in Yaletown for the new New GLBTQ Centre Working Group or whatever it's called;
*Wednesday is my dad's actual birthday--taking him and my little brother out for dinner in Richmond, and then going (without them!) to Catherine's wake in East Van;
*Thursday is free thus far, so probably writing (the story is turning out less broody but more psychologically fucked up than the movie, if that makes sense);
*Friday is the union's Pride Committee Night Out! at the Speakeasy in the West End--locals should come so I don't end up hanging around with bus drivers all night; also, Chanuka begins while I'm working, bleh.

EXCITING. MY LIFE IS SO GLAMOUROUS AND EXCITING. Christ on a cracker.

3. It appears my gifted kippah got emancipated somewhere between the deserted island hook pull altar and my house. Awesome. Now I need to buy a new one. *thumbs up, universe*

4. Sigh. Sigh sigh. Good night.

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.

think you've got me confused with a better man.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 01:40:47 GMT

Meme, for a lark. Via saffronra.

Destructions:

You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their lives, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when were they working THERE? Since when were they dating HIM/HER? Since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the topics below, erase my answers and put yours in their place, and then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration. One-word answers seldom help anyone out.

*

1. First name: BJ, or the legal one, which like two of you know, so there.

2. Age: 26 and a bit. Bleh.

3. Location: I live in New Westminster, the other rightful capitol of BC, lol. At this very moment I am in the union office at the bus depot where I work, which is in Vancouver proper.

4. Occupation: I drive a bus for public transit. Five days a week. Um. I wear a uniform?

5. Partner: Rafael is my primary partner('s intronet code name). We've been together five and a half years, been living together a little less than that.

6. Kids: None of my own. Rafael has two children from a previous relationship, and I'm not their parent, so I'm not giving you any more information.

7. Brothers/sisters: I have a younger brother who's biologically related to me (whom I usually refer to as "my little brother," which is funny, 'cause he's about a foot taller than me, and just generally a big guy), and Tillie/estrellada is often my big brother (from another mother, obvs). I'm Sam, she's Dean, it's a thing, and I bet you hadn't even thought I could be that crazy!

8. Pets: Rafael has two birds (I'm not a fan of captive birds, but whatevs they keep him company while he's gaming for hours on end), and together we have a hamster named Houdini Chainsaw.

My parents have three dogs: the oldest (Snowy, runty bichon frise who thinks he's a cat) was my BFF for the last two years I lived with the 'rents, the middle one is my pesky devil sidekick (Tuffy, bichonXshih tzu, thinks he's a bulldog), and the youngest (Tu Tu, "shih tzu"--scare quotes 'cause both of her parents are reformed Korean street dogs, so lolpurebred) barely recognizes me, 'cause I never lived with her at all, sadfaces. Anyway. I'm a dog person, and Snowy and Tuffy are my dooooogs.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:

*Work (it's busy and stressful and takes up far too many hours of my day, and I volunteer/work with the union on top of that, which is fun but also busy and stressful and doesn't pay as well. But I get to have a computer in an office that locks, and to be the youngest person in a group again, so).

*Relatedly, union things (I'm taking over a bunch of responsibilities at the local's newsletter, as well as working with a few committees, and trying to stop people from saying mean things about the union in the lunch room. MY LIFE IS HARD, GUYS).

*Basically keeping afloat as a creative person (writer, visual artist, maker of things) and community member (I am queer and kinky and like to complain about shit, whoo), idk.

10. Parents: AKA "the 'rents." Have been together for two years longer than I've been alive? Something like that. My dad went through some health things in the summer of 2008 that are still having ripple effects and kind of fucked me up a little--we've always been stupidly close. My mom and I have a weird relationship, but I love her a lot and I know I need to access more of the skills she modeled for me when I was growing up (strength, independence, confidence), rather than performing all the bad habits I learned from her anyway (bad with money, bad at self-care, bridge-burning). They recently moved from twenty minutes away to a ferry and a drive away, which is disconcerting (they left my little brother behind, but took my dooooogs). My family were my best friends until I was about twenty-two.

11. Who are some of your closest friends? Rafael and Tillie and other people. I always feel weird claiming people as "close" friends. I don't know what the standard is! My standards are generally a lot different from most people's, I know that much. Whatever.

*

Oh journals and friends, do you feel ~enlightened about my life???

This is a DW-origin crospost, oh noes. Feel free to comment on LJ or the original post here.